The Coux

I feel like this may be controversial but I don’t want it to be. Some mothers may disagree but this is for the ones who need to feel that someone else understands them. Like they’re not alone in feeling like there is more to who they are than being a mother.

I was hesitant to start having kids. I know there’s no right time and you can never be fully prepared but I was still hesitant. I wasn’t sure I was prepared to give myself up just yet. I thought that’s what happened.  It sounds so horrible but I thought you throw your hair in a ponytail and become a robot who does nothing for herself and gets lost in housework (I’m not going to lie, some days are like that). Not that I had seen it in my own life. My mum was amazing and always worked. She did it all yet us kids still felt like we were the only people in her world. I couldn’t do that though, I wasn’t capable. I was probably a little insecure.

Maybe it’s selfish to want your own dreams fulfilled first but I thought it would be more selfish to have a child if I wasn’t ready to let go of a few things first.

When I laid that aside and fell pregnant (fast), I still worried. I am a big dreamer and I have a long list of things I want to achieve. I’ve always had a career and outside of that I’ve had way too many other interests and passions plus I am ALWAYS busy.

Would that all stop?

Would it be put on hold?

Would I lose myself by becoming a mum?

I loved dressing up and letting who I was shine. I still wanted to get more tattoos and dip-dye my hair blue. Would that look ridiculous if I was a mum?

I still wanted to change my career a few more times and help other people. I still wanted to achieve that long list of goals.

Then I had Max and fell in desparate love like never before. Suddenly none of it really mattered. Being a mum didn’t define who I was, it enriched who I was. I didn’t lose myself, I found new things in me. I found a new kind of strength, new love and a new kind of adrenalin-fueled determination to go out and achieve it all.

I started studying, I went back to work and I started dreaming ten-fold.

There are days where I don’t get out of my pjs and my hair needs a wash. I used to think motherhood doesn’t go beyond those days (maybe that’s how the world paints it) but it does. Don’t feel confined by motherhood, be empowered by it.

I want to go out and do everything I’ve set in my heart to do because I want my boy to remember me as a woman who loved him with all her heart but loved who she was too.

Losing who I am as an individual would be detrimental to my health as a mother and that’s why I don’t let motherhood define me.

If you had a strong sense of identity before motherhood then you’ll come out on the other side even better off. Don’t be afraid of it. I’m a new woman as a mother and I have to say, I kind of like it.