Before I had Max, I never thought I had the 'mum gene'. You know, the gene I’m talking about, right? The one that makes you clucky when you see little babies, the gene that would have you dream about being pregnant and the day you’ll have your own little cherub.
If I’m being completely honest, I worried that I would never have those feelings because I was sure I somehow missed that gene.
Pregnancy happened like a whirlwind, I blinked and I was looking down at a belly. I’m grateful for that because if it didn’t happen that way who knows how long I would’ve waited to start procreating?
Pregnancy was pretty smooth sailing for me, no massive dramas (apart from a heinous bout of acne) but I’d see the little heartbeat on the screen and I still did not connect a little human with my growing belly.
Even the day before I was to be induced that so called ‘gene’ still did not kick in and I didn’t feel motherly in the slightest.
Would I really experience this ‘love’ they talked about?
Would I know how to take care of a baby?
I had never even changed a nappy before. Should I have practiced?
I should’ve booked the pre-natal classes.
I should’ve spent more time bonding with the bump.
I was dizzy.
Max was born via emergency c-section on a Tuesday night at 11pm. Another whirlwind.
After he was born, I had one little shakey cuddle and he was taken away and my husband went with him.
I found myself lying in recovery alone without my boy and my heart was aching. I needed him back, I needed to know how he was, I needed to hold him, protect him, feed him, spend time getting to know his gorgeous features and kiss his beautiful swollen face.
My heart ached.
There it was. There was that love. It was instant and it hit me hard. Turns out that was the plan all along and I didn’t know. It was truly instinctive and I’m so thankful for that.
You don’t need any special gene, you’ll find that when you need it. You just need love, nothing more, nothing less and the rest will take care of itself.